Chapter 1 

"Learn from," he was saying, "the dust-eaters shall we say. Those are the ones who have choosen death for whatever reason. Those are the ones whose outlook is so poor, so decimated by experience that they are ready to die before death is ready for them. They are soul parasites. Everything less than a queer sort of perfection, in their minds, is the devil. Puke of the spirit dead." I listened to him as an act of friendship, an act of participation but it could get too much. I told him, in so many words, that I would rather make love to a woman than listen to him.

"A structure of evil, is a fine phrase for it. A structure of evil in the most vulnerable so that they believe their righteousness is in the perfect place all the while they are serving some dark necessity.

"In relation to memory there are two interweaving aspects. The consious mind applies some logic on the outward appearnance of an apparent memory; including it more and more in its 'scheme' whatever that may be. The 'logic' leans twoard the paranoid side. The other thread is the knot of energy in any particular memeory. Events move too quicly for th epresent. A man is outstripped." As he talked on I remebered a woman I knew while in school. I had met her playing pool and took her back to my apartment where we frolicked for the night in all kinds of youthful, delightful ways. I remember what she looked like, her voice, what she was wearing. This memory could be manipulated in my presenet memory a variety of ways. I also remember sitting on my bed feeling guilty about many things and the whole change that came over everything; the darkness, the smell of her body, how she was soliciting me to find out what was wrong while everything buzzed in my guilt-ridden mind. At that moment. No other. That too, that too.

"What takes over to destroy dreams?" He was now testing me. "The dreams of religion could mean anything. And the dreams of science are already manifest. You need more an dmore dsicrimination. The mania of the world is really an abdication. Don't get tricked by people who think that th epast was some glorious temple of enligthenment. The past is a form. Admit to yourself that you have stood as a point outside a vast circle and have merely commented on the revolving activity. While this builds good perspective it has its opposite effects in that it builds resements and personal animoisties.

David Eide
January 24, 2014