Chapter 1 

And what were you going to do? Were you going to make yourself into the perfect reflection of a perfect desire so that all the weak would be envious? It's not the man who judges; the man as a judgment is only a dying ego.

And were you going to read everything and become everything?

There are teachers of light, teachers of dark. The teachers from the lower self can arrive with a vengenace. All things conspire to keep the spirit from attaining recognition of itself.

Idealism is a radical desire in itself to break from the teachers of the dark. All the idealisms propel the eyes of the spirit upward before the long grind brings them back to the surface of things. The next level of disgust is a telling thing. But what if that idealism is now on the streets and can be found?

Kierkegaard believed that true love wants to make everything equal to itself. I would think before this happened a person would have to resolve remorse and so the emotions would be swift and deep.

It is odd that only individuals can have idealism. An organization or movement that is idealistic putrifies quickly and is seen as another con game where the idealism is the hook.

Neither a person or a society can talk their way out of guilt. Lift the weight of it there and it will appear over here, shifting and slinking as it goes. Who determines the nature of guilt and the nature of guiltlessness usually rules a people.

The pontificator was saying, "We are approaching a global civilization and it is very painful for many people. '

Disorder is converging into an order that must be gently guided. The belief that life is coming more and more conformist is a mistaken one; life concentrates itself at times in order to burst forth in greater variety and freedom."

And what does this television reveal but the underside of the soul? It is a general sort of darkness, an idiocy that paralyzes consciousness. It is the epitome of a bureacratized social order in which the creative spirit is squeezed through molds and the form of the lowest order is aposthotized. It doesn't matter what kind of moral judgemetns, criticism, information is exchanged.

Humility should teach this: No man is complete. That when he believes he is complete he is at the edge of an abyss. And that nations and civilizations can never be complete. This is why disillusion and cynicism will alwys be hateful qualities because these attitudes are the jealosy of presumed completeness, a kind of absolute machinery through which a person is thrown and which robs him of his hope. If this happens the soul of a nation will sink down into choas and totalitarianism. The extraordinary qualities in this country should be celebrated and shouldn't be afraid to criticise the worst qualities.

"Doom. Yeah doom. I have to wonder why it is so prominent in me. Is it a syndrome perhaps? Since the childhood it has been so. A regular virus that comes from in and zooms for the gut. The parents problem you know? The assassinations, right? The threat of total annhiliation at the hands of crazy men, no? All compounded by thousnads of lesser events, ideas, and feelings swirling in the air at a special time. Ah, took away my sense of self and put dread at the heart of it. I hope it's not a fetish."

David Eide
January 24, 2014