RELATIONSHIPS

COLLECTIVE EMOTIONS

PERSONAL AGONIES

DESCRIPTION

This project will be an "editing of the journals" + some memory and impressions of Berkeley. The key is finding the guiding hand or meaning behind the editing of the journals. The journals still inform and take that up but only a certain amount can actually be extracted. This alchemical process is decent enough. What did those years mean to you? What elixir were you trying to find? It was a very difficult time in the life of America; post-Vietnam and post-Watergate. A population that was demoralized and angry. It cut the spirit out from democracy just as the assassinations had. Berkeley itself was a fascinating zoo. It began in utter idealism and then decayed into drug use and a kind of cold nihilism. By 1975 it was decaying rapidly. It was rather shocking. The communists had taken over city hall. The abandonment of substance was fait acompli. It was not all terrible. There was still dancing and spirit; computer fascination, solar power, environmental interest. Odd characters no writer could dream of. An interesting scene played out every single day. It told me that the worst fantasies were political fantasies. The will to political power ran through its own shadow and caused a lot of problems. There was a failure of nerve among the once bold young. There was a kind of amputation of common sense, a mutilation of the good and the blood ran thick during that time. The strange thing was to see the larger society move on and yet Berkeley stay the same as though the good times were still around the corner; that the karma was going to shift at any moment and it would be thrust back to 1966. I always cringed when I entered a party and two guys were playing folk protest songs on their guitars. The students going through the University at that time wanted nothing to do with it.

It was the end of an era, a transition, then the beginning of the Reagan years. The bursting forth of the computer revolution.

Looking back I don't think I was idealistic at that time but watching spin into that zone of meaninglessness that I always feared. Idealism had been a protection from pain. It was a very painful period of time, much more difficult than I ever thought it would be. Cults were plentiful, cynicism was tsunami like.

At any rate I want to give that effort some guidance as to what to pick and choose from the journals. That will be a hot project not a cold one.

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