LAMENTATIONS

by David Eide

Helpless; those times he spent in offices, in hospitals, tracking down insurance payers among the gabble of women and young students. It is their world, their managers, their fate, he often thought. He felt he had little at stake and was disgusted with his own fears that seemed to float from each passing body as he worked at his desk. The most destructive fear was that the reality of heart and mind was false and that everything else utterly true. In moments of learning things it was good to open to the ambiguities of the flowing world. But when he needed concentration where was the courage and confidence?

Although one could learn in hell, the temptation was to run it. He always had that thought when one of the two managers passed his desk or both at the same time. They passed with their patronizing attitudes toward the people they managed; welfare mothers, students, fringe characters, wannabe poets, housewives. The only spark of excitement the managers exhibited was when the office decided to automate and go with a new computer system. Then the animation of the managers was palpable even if the workers dreaded learning new habits. And the implementation was anything but smooth, of course, even with the active participation of the managers and their consultants. There was much grumbling and discontent but humor as well. The poet noticed that the workers were very intimidated about rasing central questions to the managers and morale fell downward.

When a transition occurred, worms invariably made their way to the surface, exposing the individuals and organization weakness. And on seeing weakness, a litany of struggles took place resulting in the proper adaptation or destruction.

The poet's interest was peaked at the moment he realized that it was more than a matter of simple adjustments and more a matter of those inscrutable questions of explicit communications, of respect, and of morale. A person, even a leader or manager, had to overcome the temptation of believing they were merely manipulating the deficient forms impinging on them.

He was beginning to define hell as that place where each victim, suffering separately and differently, thought of themselves as suffering as a whole and wanted everyone else to suffer as they suffered. The free man walking in their midst would be subject to an all-out assault to pull him down to the peculiar suffering of the victim. Only Christ was truthful enough to enter hell unilaterally. Any other would be put in the madhouse.